Tuesday, October 31, 2023

crazy beautiful

 Writing this to you 10-15 minutes before company arrives. I am wearing a shirt that is clearly stained with wiped off baby spit-up, the house is for sure not clean, and I just quickly brushed my teeth so I wouldn't stink. Kind of company any way... we hired Wesley to come once a week for 4 hours as kind of a mother's helper, but our social butterfly Jo convinced me to use one of those hours this week to have Angela stay and do a mini playdate with his sister Skyla. That girl suckers me into too much. but to be fair, she does ask for about 100 things a day, so she is pretty likely to get at least 1 yes, right? 

anyway, it has been a HARD week. I just wanted to quickly document it so we can look back and...laugh? or maybe cry? or just remember how we soldiered through such a difficult season as teammates and feel proud of us. 

this morning, you made plans to get a bunch of busy work done while I made plans to take the kids to mom's group. last minute, mom's group got cancelled so we were home and you were running around. you wanted to go to our Alika house to get a paint sample so you could get the right color of paint and have everything all dropped off and ready for my dad because he is coming to stay at our house this weekend and is helping you repaint the ceiling so we can get it re-rented out. but you told me last week to make sure to send the keys home with my mom so my dad could get in. i sent all the keys with her, not just one so you couldn't get in. 

Wrote all the above on August 17th... came back to it today on Halloween, October 31. Perfect example of this crazy season of life. 

Today, you told me you wanted to be more intentional about having deep conversations with me and prompted me with "If you were to write a love letter to me, what would the first 2 lines be?" so I came into here to start writing you a love note, naturally ;) and found this note from August barely even started hahaha. so here we go with a new note...

Jesus, I love our crazy, beautiful, exciting life together. I love how full it is with joy, laughter, hugs, good food, snuggles, babies who loves us so much it can feel overwhelming, family, learning, pursuing dreams, and pursuing each other. I love that we can look up in the middle of multiple storms and still find each other and be full of love for each other. I love that we have known each other for almost longer than we haven't known each other and that all of my adult life has been spent by your side. I love that we started dating so young and had children so young and get to grow up together and experience all that life has to offer together. You are my best friend and I would love nothing more than to spend most of every day for the rest of my life by your side. Even our fights are mostly about me just wanting more time and connection with you ;) we have had a few doozies lately, but honestly I don't think there is a couple who wouldn't struggle working through this season. You are going through more than I could ever imagine and you are still working hard to set aside your hard to give your best to your family. I know it isn't fair that you serve your family all day and your job and kids consume you and then you have so little left to give me at the end of the day. and you have to choose between me and taking even a little time for yourself. I think we will look back in a few years and just be amazed at all we had on our shoulders and how well we actually handled it. i am so proud of us. but also, i can't wait to be on the other side of this difficult season (3 under 5 while homeschooling 2nd and 4th grade, the trial, etc.). i wish i had an hour to sit here and wax eloquent about all the ways I love you and all the different things you are doing right now that i am so proud of you for- like the new golf tech you're investing in!- but i have to get dinner on the table so i can take our sweet babes out trick or treating and then we have some plans tonight so i probably won't finish it today and who knows when i would get back to it hahaha. but i am putting it on my calendar to write you a love note every year on our anniversary and on sexy Christmas- and if it on the calendar, it will get done ;) so for now, i am so proud of us. thank you for being my team mate in this crazy beautiful season of life. and i love you. i love you. i love you!