Saturday, June 23, 2012

Our wedding day! 6/23/12

My sweet boy! Today is our wedding day! :) I can hardly believe that in literally 12 hours, we will be husband and wife....I am about to get out of bed and shower and then put on a simple black dress and sweater and head over to our house to join you for coffee and then we will drive out to McMinnville together <3 We have poured ourselves into planning this special occassion and I know it will be the most special day of our lives... even if some things don't go as planned ;) More important than our wedding day, however, is the rest of our marriage!  I know we are off to a great start with premarital counseling, a supportive small group, and surrounding ourselves with loving friends and family.  I cannot wait to see our marriage grow and our relationship deepen over the years!  I love you so much now- it is amazing to think that my love will just continue to grow deeper and in 50 years...! I cannot wait to kiss you at the altar today and to start the rest of our lives... <3 I love you!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

out last dating date...

Last night, you took me out on our last date as a dating couple.  The next date we go on will be as a married couple!  The wedding is now only 3 days away and it is amazing to look back at everything.  Last night was a much needed time to reflect on the past four and a half years and remember everything we have been through!  We remembered the awkward first 6 months of our relationship before I left for college in California.  You were not looking for anything serious, and I was super serious about only wanting to date my husband.  Lucky for me, I intrigued you enough to continue pursuing me even into a distance relationship.  A year and a half of distance was so hard!  I remember how awkward it would feel when we would first see each other after a couple months of only talking on the phone.  I remember when you were waiting for my grandma and I at Shadow park and I saw you and thought "wow" because I had only seen your face via skype for so long i had forgotten how handsome you were.  i remember when we finally lived close again and starting to spend time together every single day.  we decided that we either wanted our relationship to start moving toward marriage and work through some of the issues we were having or to call it quits before investing any more of ourselves.  that was the lowest period of our relationship as of yet, but we learned so much about each other!  We really got to know each other on a new level and got to understand what the other person is looking for, needs to feel loved, etc.  and it was such a huge step forward!  I remember my senior year at Pacific.  I went through some time of seriously doubting that I wanted to marry you if I had never dated anyone else.  How did I know that you were perfect for me if I had never tried anyone else... I struggled with that a lot that year.  but we also had a LOT of fun that year!  we went to all my school dances and functions, we went to a lot of parties with my sorority, my crazy roommate threw a couple of hilarious parties at our apartment, we got serious in the small group we had joined and made some amazing new friends, we started thinking about life post college.  I remember when you got in your car accident and feeling terrified!  I remember being so upset that you called me last.  I wanted to be the first one that you came to for anything and everything.  Your incision got infected and you could not come on the cruise with my family.  I was so mad at you even though it wasn't your fault.  I remember our huge fight right before I took off on international waters for a week and wouldn't be able to talk to you.  I remember getting back onto American soil and listening to my 30 voicemails from you.  In one of them you talked about some of our dear friends and their story was so encouraging for you.  I remember letting my guard down after that message and realizing that you were right and that I was so caught up in wanting everything to be perfect I wasn't enjoying what I had right in front of me.  I remember coming home to a room filled with little presents and a closet filled with balloons :) You told me you would come lay in my bed while I was gone because you missed me.  That week was so eye opening for us... we really loved each other and we really wanted to be together.  I remember that next week when you drove me out to Shane Co. and asked me to pick out a ring!  That was the happiest day of my life! You spent all summer working to pay off a ring for me and we were so excited.  Then you finally proposed one day after your birthday... and the last 10 months have been a blur of planning and craziness.  but now the big day is almost here and I cannot wait!  Last night, I cried tears of joy, but also tears of sadness as we talked about ending this chapter in our lives.  I have learned so much about myself, about you, about life over these past four and a half years.  I am sad to see this time of our lives become "history", but I am excited to move into this next chapter with you.  I know the best is yet to come and I cannot wait to experience life with you!  I feel so lucky that I met you at only 17 and that we got/get to go through so much learning, growing, experiencing together!  I would not want to experience life with anyone else!  So  *cheers* to our story and to our future! I love you, my fiancee!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Finding happiness...together :)

This morning, I was feeling overwhelmed.  I was stressing about all the things to get done for the wedding and all the changes taking place.  My dad told me last night to slow down and enjoy the last week before the wedding.  I was angry that he would think I wasn't enjoying it.  This afternoon, I took some time to slow down and think.  I went for a long walk and just thought.  He is right, I have not been enjoying it.  It has been making me anxious and tense and worried.  I have also been really worried about my job and how it will all end up come September when my internship ends.  I am scared because I am not loving my job.  I am scared because the job exacerbates my personality and encourages me to be always on, always stressed, always working.  That is NOT what I need in life.  I want to enjoy life!  I want to find what makes my soul sing.  I want to find something that I am passionate about and pursue it!  I know that I am passionate about being a mother- and I know that you are on board and someday when we are ready to have children, I can pursue that with my whole heart.  I am so excited for that and I am so thrilled that you are on board with letting me live out that dream!  But, until then, I don't want to waste away the years working at a job that leaves me feeling dull and empty.  I want to figure out what makes me happy, what I am passionate about, who I am.... I thought about all of this during my walk today.  I came up with several things that make me HAPPY

1) Exploring nature
2) Photography- I especially love taking pictures of people
3) Gymnastics and dance
4) Psychology- I especially love studying relationships
5) Supporting you- encouraging you in your walk with God, in your career, and in your personal development

I know that this summer is going to be a whirlwind with your job, the farm season, adjusting to our new home and lifestyle, and being newlyweds.  I know that the two months after our wedding and honeymoon will fly by and be busy as ever, and I am ok with that.  However, come September, I would really like to take some time to explore these different passions of mine.  I would like to do some studying, take some classes, go on some trips, explore, pursue... and find out who I really am- who God has made me to be!  I would also love to take some time and think about where we can plug in and volunteer.  I feel that volunteering and learning to give humbly and selflessly will be the biggest blessing for our marriage.  I am so excited to explore all these different areas with you and discover more about ourselves.  So many people say that 21 is too young to get married, but I disagree.  I am so excited to get to grow into our personalities and passions together.  We are still just discovering who we are and what we want out of life and I feel so lucky to have you by my side as I learn.  I feel so blessed to have you by my side to encourage me to keep growing and learning and to help me along the way!  I hope I can be a wife that encourages you and helps you grow.  I want to be the kind of wife that inspires you and takes pride in your accomplishments.  I want you to feel like a little school boy, running home to tell me what you learned or accomplished because you know I will be so proud of you.  I cannot wait to go through this with YOU.  You are the love of my life and I am so thankful for you!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

:)

hello handsome!  i have not written to you in so long- sorry! life has been blurring by so quickly! we are getting married in SEVENTEEN days! holy cow! i am so excited! :) this past weekend was mari's baby shower.  yesterday, our little nephew was born (4 lbs 12 oz.) and it was so much fun to see him!  tomorrow, nick arrives in town! friday, alex graduates from high school! life is just sooo busy but so full of fun and exciting things!  our time is finally almost here and everyone will be getting excited for us :) I cannot wait for all the events- bachelor and bachelorette parties, bridal shower, moving in together, and of course the wedding itself! Jesus, you are my very best friend and I feel so lucky to get to have you as my life partner! Thanks for sticking with me through thick and thin and even through my bridezilla stages ;) You are the best and I love you!