my constant!

Jesus- everything in our life is changing! in such big ways. We have a new baby coming in less than 5 weeks, we are STILL in limbo about our trailer and moving, our girls are constantly surprising us with new everything, and we have just had a lot of unknown the past few months, especially with your dad's health and how it might affect your job. It has been hard for me- who hates change! You are so so good with change. You always just roll with the punches and make the best of whatever might come, but I stress about the worst case scenarios for each different outcome and it is honestly exhausting. I am so ready to be done with change. I am ready for this baby to come out of me and feel less tired and get back to a new normal. some sort of a routine. oh yeah- also, Johanna is starting kindergarten this Fall- WHAT?!?! and she turns 5 this week... when did our tiny little girl grow up so much? I feel the mom guilt all the time- I am not spending enough time just investing in them by playing and enjoying them, I am not disciplining enough, I fed them junky food, I snapped at them, etc. etc. Being a mom is so hard. and marriage has been kind of rough the past few months too- just a lot of fighting as we navigate so many changes. I am sorry that I have a hard time adjusting and push back. I am working on it! I know you know. I just want to say THANK YOU for being my calm and steady. my rock. my always there. my always happy. my unconditional love. my constant. you make me shine- you bring out the best in me in every way. you make me feel safe and you help me to focus in the right direction and pour my energies in the right outlets. You have been doing so much growing up the past few months- seriously such a blessing for my weary heart. you are stepping way up into the role of provider and father and husband and doing so much to bless us and prioritize us and it is amazing! you are so valued and seen. I know I don't take enough time to sing your praises and you thrive when you are praised, so I am working on it, but you deserve all the praises for the hard heart work you have done this year! and the way you are supporting your beautiful family. thank you for giving me these beautiful children, a life where you are present vs. always traveling for work, outlets and finances to pursue my dreams, permission to be myself and to take self-care often, and for being such a strong father! Our girls absolutely adore you and I am SO SO thankful! <3 <3 <3 I could not ask for a better husband or father of my children. thank you for all you do for us. I love you and am so excited to tackle these big changes over the next few months/year as long as you are by my side! xoxoxoxo